Oh, Felix
by Rwy'n-Y-Blaidd-Drwg
Summary: We all know Felix is just a crazy kid. Anybody who's ever spent time around little kids know just what kind of things they get up to. This is a collection of oneshots about how much trouble Felix gets into. Not really huge spoilers for anything. Based off of Oh, Nico, by ChickWithThePurpleGuitar. Co-written with CandyCat. Read on for a good laugh!
1. Felix Hosts a Tea Party

**I'm baaaack! I'm back at last! No more fun and games! Those days are in the past! I'm baaaaack! Where it began! It's time to kick some butt and stick it to the man! (If you got that reference, you are awesome. :) Actually, if you're reading this you're awesome. Getting that reference will make you more so. ;)) Didja miss me? Probably not...I'm such a procrastinator. Cause I'm procrastinating! All day I sit here waiting! For just the perfect moment to begin! I'm procrastinating! It's really fascinating! I know there's work to do, but I don't care! (another awesomer reference. :))**

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**So, just to make this clear, THIS IDEA MOSTLY BELONGS TO MY AWESOMESAUCETASTICAL FF FRIEND ChickWithThePurpleGuitar ( www. fanfiction u/2776466/ChickWithThePurpleGuitar). She did a story called _Oh, Nico _( www. fanfiction . s/8316661/1/Oh-Nico). ****My**** friend, who I shall call Candycat, came up with THIS idea whilst reading _Oh, Nico, _at rehearsal. Because we have a ton of downtime. :)**

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**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Except partially the ideas :)**

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**Co-written with: Candycat, my friend in theatre who does not have an account on here.**

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_**Oh, Felix**_

Felix was sitting in his room, at a small, toddler sized table with a girly tea set spread out and a group of penguins around him. Why? He was having a tea party. Because all ten year old magicians throw tea parties with penguins. Duh.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't normal. But, this is Felix we're talking about. He has a penguin obsession and wants to follow the god of _ice_, from a culture that started in the _desert_. I think we can all agree he is _not_ normal.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, tea party.

So Felix was throwing tea party with his penguins. The places were set, the penguins were (mostly) sitting in their seats, and the tea was all served. "Okay, everybody, pinkies up!" Felix said, picking up his teacup, forgetting that penguins didn't have pinkies to hold up. He tried to take a sip of his tea, then froze. Was his...was his tongue stuck?"

"CAWTEW! CAWTEW!" **(My lovely impression of someone screaming Carter when his tongue is stuck) **Felix cried, trying to pull the frozen beverage from his tongue. A few moments later, Carter burst into the room, brandishing his _Khopesh. _

"Felix-What the heck?" Carter asked, a look of anger, then confusion flashing across his face.

"I wa' twyin' to ha' a tea pawty wi' my pengui-"

Carter cut him off by stealing one of the penguins tea cups, said bird squawking irritatedly. "A tea party with frozen tea?"

"Duh! Penguin nee' cold-"

"Felix, dude. You can't drink frozen tea. You're tongue will get stuck-like yours is right now." Carter explained, stifling a laugh.

"B-b-b-but I like-"

"At least crush it up first!" Carter started walking out of the room, ignoring Felix's demands to "help him unstick his tongue." As soon as he was out of earshot, Carter began cracking up. "Oh, Felix..."

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**And, um, yeah. That's that. I'm prbably gonna update once a weekish, depending on how much Candycat and I get done :)**

**Question of the day: What is your favorite musical? If you don't know any...shame...shaaaaame... ;)**

**Keep calm and be yourself!**

**-WolfyBD and Candycat**


	2. April Fools

**So...I can't believe this is happening...I really didn't want this to happen, but...HAPPY APRIL FOOLS! ;) I bet you were all worried somthing bad had happened! *crickets* No...Okay... *Insert Okay meme here***

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**So, just to make this clear, THIS IDEA MOSTLY BELONGS TO MY AWESOMESAUCETASTICAL FF FRIEND ChickWithThePurpleGuitar ( www. fanfiction u/2776466/ChickWithThePurpleGuitar). She did a story called _Oh, Nico _( www. fanfiction . s/8316661/1/Oh-Nico). ****My**** friend, who I shall call Candycat, came up with THIS idea whilst reading _Oh, Nico, _at rehearsal. Because we have a ton of downtime. :)**

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**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Except partially the ideas :)**

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**Co-written with: Candycat, my friend in theatre who does not have an account on here. Candycat actually wrote the first half of this.**

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_**Oh, Felix**_

Felix sat on the floor of the twenty first nome waiting for Carter, Sadie and bast to come home from visiting Uncle Amos in the first nome. Felix waited...and waited...and waited... but still no one came. At last, he couldn't take it any more. He decided to walk to the first nome (We know the first nome is in Egypt, but Felix didn't care) but as soon as he stepped out the door a black gloved hand clamped over his mouth. Another pair bound his hands and the next thing he new he was being carted off. Then, he was thrown into a dark, echoey room. Suddenly the room lit up so bright Felix had to squint to see. A tall masked man with dark skin walked in. A table and two chairs rose out of the floor and the man sat down.

"Sit!" He commanded and Felix quickly sat. There was something familiar in the mans voice, almost like a jazz singer. "We are here to talk about what you have done." The man said.

"What do you mean?" asked Felix.

"You have made creatures of the ice realm with Egyptian magic," Said the man. Felix paled.

"M-m-my penguins?" Felix stuttered, paling. "W-w-what's wrong with my penguins?"

"Egyptians didn't have a deity for ice! You are abusing your magic privileges!" The man yelled. Felix paled even more. "You must give up your penguins forever, or lose your magic for good."

Felix started tearing up. "B-b-but my penguins are like my children! Please don't make me give up my babies! I'M BEGGING YOU! PLEASE!" Felix sobbed. Suddenly, the lights snapped on.

"APRIL FOOLS! " Screamed Carter and Sadie, jumping out from behind some Shabti. They had been in the Library, all the light taken out by magic. Felix's eyes widened. "T-t-this was just a prank?"

"Yeah!" Laughed Carter. "You should've seen your face!"

Felix narrowed his eyes, then screamed. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU CARTER KANE!" He started chasing Carter, running out of the library. Amos and Sadie started laughing, then said, at the exact same time, "Oh, Felix."

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**Don't you love how he immediately blames Carter? ;)**

**Question of the day: What is the best prank you've ever pulled/had pulled on you?**

**Answer to last weeks question: Hmm...Right now it's RENT, but that is subject to change in five minutes. Or less.**

**Keep calm and be yourself!**

**-WolfyBD and Candycat**


	3. The Zoo

**Hi ya! Sorry this is late, been a busy week pour moi. Um...I won thrid place at my state's French Symposium for a cartoon I wrote with another French I kid! And I have a tattoo now! **

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**So, just to make this clear, THIS IDEA MOSTLY BELONGS TO MY AWESOMESAUCETASTICAL FF FRIEND ChickWithThePurpleGuitar ( www. fanfiction u/2776466/ChickWithThePurpleGuitar). She did a story called _Oh, Nico _( www. fanfiction . s/8316661/1/Oh-Nico). ****My**** friend, who I shall call Candycat, came up with THIS idea whilst reading _Oh, Nico, _at rehearsal. Because we have a ton of downtime. :)**

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**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Except partially the ideas :)**

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**Co-written with: Candycat, my friend in theatre who does not have an account on here. Candycat actually wrote the first half of this.**

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_**Oh, Felix**_

Today was Felix's birthday and he wanted to go to the zoo. So he asked Sadie to take him. She packed a picnic and they went to the Bronx zoo. They saw lots of animals in the zoo, Like lions and tigers and bears(oh my). Then Felix saw the penguins. That was when he lost it.

"THE PENGUINS ARE BEING HELD CAPTIVE. THE MOST MAJESTIC ANIMAL TO WALK THE EARTH IS BEING HELD CAPTIVE!" He turned to the penguins. "I will save you!" Then he turned to Sadie. "You **_WILL_** take me to the zoo to night. It you don't I will personally feed you to a giant emperor penguin!"

So, at 11:35 Sadie and Felix had magically broken into the zoo. They silently walked over to the penguins and Sadie opened the lock. But the penguins would'nt shut up. They squawked louder then Felix even knew they could.

"WAKKK WAKKK WAKKK!"

"Shhhhh!" Hissed Felix. He finally managed to get the penguins to shut up and walk out of the cage. He and Sadie were just about to walk the penguins out of the gate when one of the night guards spotted them.

"RUN!" Sadie yelled. But the man was faster. He grabbed the back of Felix's t- shirt and pulled him back.

"HELP ME!" Felix screamed as the man pull him towards a building. Sadie shook her head and ran.

A few hours later, Felix was sitting in a jail cell, twiddling his thumbs. A very pissed Carter Kane stalked in, followed by Sadie.

"What the heck Felix?"

"What?"

"Why are you in jail at 3 in the morning?"

"I needed to free the penguins!"

"What?"

"They are holding penguins captive Carter! THE MOST MAJESTIC ANIMAL TO WALK THE EARTH IS BEING HELD CAPTIVE!"

"Felix, this is a zoo. They are...saving the penguins."

"What?"

"They...protect the penguins! Yeah, so they don't get eaten by Polar Bears!"

"Wrong! Polar bears and penguins live on opposite ends of the earth! LIAR!"

Carter rolled his eyes. "Sadie, take Felix home. I'll handle this." He shook his head as Sadie led Felix, still screaming about freeing the penguins, away. "Oh, Felix."

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**Penguins! (')**

**Question of the day: What is your favorite TV show?**

**Answer to last weeks question: My English teacher tricked u into thinking we had another timed writing after we had to write three for a standardized test. He made us get our paper ready and stuff, then the prompt was "Write and essay about how you just got owned by Mr. *****"**

**Keep calm and be yourself!**

**-WolfyBD and Candycat**


	4. Regurgitating Fish

**So. Much. Homework. Been busy all week.**

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**So, just to make this clear, THIS IDEA MOSTLY BELONGS TO MY AWESOMESAUCETASTICAL FF FRIEND ChickWithThePurpleGuitar ( www. fanfiction u/2776466/ChickWithThePurpleGuitar). She did a story called _Oh, Nico _( www. fanfiction . s/8316661/1/Oh-Nico). ****My**** friend, who I shall call Candycat, came up with THIS idea whilst reading _Oh, Nico, _at rehearsal. Because we have a ton of downtime. :)**

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**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Except partially the ideas :)**

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**Co-written with: Candycat, my friend in theatre who does not have an account on here. Candycat actually wrote the first half of this.**

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_**Oh, Felix**_

Felix was playing with his penguins one day when they started opening their mouths and squawking. Felix understood that they wanted food. So, Felix had an idea a very Felixish idea. "I will feed you!" He shouted.

He ran to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, grabbing the the biggest piece of raw fish he could find, and ran to the penguins. He put a chunk of it in his mouth, chewed it up, and swallowed. He tried to regurgitate it but it wouldn't come up. So, of course, he tried one again but it didn't work. But Felix wouldn't give up-he tried till the pound of fish was gone. Then he started feeling sick. "Oh, I don't feel so good..." He started rolling on the floor clutching his stomach.

Later Sadie and Carter walked, too involved in a heated argument to notice Felix throwing up on the floor.

"Well, it was your fault! I was just brushing my hair! _You_ did it!" Sadie shrieked

"Well I-Felix, what the heck?!" Asked Carter, eyeing the small child warily. Then, he saw the fish container and the hungry penguins.

"Ooooooh, it was Felix" said Sadie, putting two and two together. "BAST!" Called Sadie. An extremely pissed Bast walked in and carter gulped. "So, we found who stole your fish-"

"FELIX!

"Crap!" Shrieked Sadie. "He could have Salmonella!"

"Bast drive him to the hospital!" Carter demanded. So an extremely pissed Bast drove them to the hospital, speeding the whole way and leaving three accidents in her wake. Once they were at the hospital, a nurse put him in a wheelchair as Bast explained that he ate a whole pound of raw fish.

He did indeed have salmonella. As Carter walked out of the hospital ward Felix was in, he thought to himself, "Oh, Felix."

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**Sorry this took so long, been a hectic week. Still haven't had much sleep. Tech week is going to be interesting...**

**Question of the day: What is your favorite YouTube Channel/Video? (Say PSY and I will send you to Skaro. He's just creepy.)**

**Answer to last weeks question: Doctor Who, in case you didn't know. It's more like my totally healthy and not in any way self damaging obsession. (Yes, I needed to specify that.)**

**Keep calm and be yourself!**

**-WolfyBD and Candycat**


	5. Stuffed Penguins

**Wrote this at rehearsal, before they started taking up phones *rolls eyes* I pay attention at rehearsal! I do! I just don't want to be sitting there bored out of my mind for the three to four hours I'm not doing something...**

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**So, just to make this clear, THIS IDEA MOSTLY BELONGS TO MY AWESOMESAUCETASTICAL FF FRIEND ChickWithThePurpleGuitar ( www. fanfiction u/2776466/ChickWithThePurpleGuitar). She did a story called _Oh, Nico _( www. fanfiction . s/8316661/1/Oh-Nico). ****My**** friend, who I shall call Candycat, came up with THIS idea whilst reading _Oh, Nico, _at rehearsal. Because we have a ton of downtime. :)**

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**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Except partially the ideas :)**

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**Co-written with: Candycat, my friend in theatre who does not have an account on here. **

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_**Oh, Felix**_

It was Felix's ninth birthday, before they went to the zoo. The whole nome had decided to throw him a party. They'd just enjoyed a fabulous seafood feast, which he didn't try regurgitating, and now he was opening his presents. The anklebiters had joined together and gave him a huge crayon drawing of him and his penguins. He also received miniature penguin Shabti, a penguin amulet, and a DVD set of both Happy Feet movies, March of the penguins, a snowcone machine, and a hundred bags of goldfish. All was going well-until he opened Carter and Sadie's present.

He eagerly pulled off the ice cube and snowflake wrapping paper and opened to box, to reveal a lifesize stuffed penguin. His eyes widened. "...it's dead." He glared at Carter. "YOU KILLED IT! THE MOST MAJESTIC ANIMAL TO WALK THE EARTH AND YOU KILLED IT!"

"Felix-"

Felix picked up the penguin gently, hugging it tight. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He gave it a gentle kiss on its furry head.

"Felix it's-"

"WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING?!" He growled, glaring at Carter, forgetting it was Sadie's present too.

"Felix, will you-"

"WHY WOULD YOU MURDER THE MOST MAJESTIC ANIMAL TO WALK THE EARTH?!" He started sobbing, clutching the toy penguin tightly.

"Oh my god-FELIX IT'S FAKE!" Sadie screeched. Felix immediately quit crying.

"Really? Oh. Why would you get me a fake penguin when I have real ones?" Felix asked. He rolled his eyes. "Silly Carter." Felix dropped the stuffed animal, picking up his other gifts and lugging them to his room.

Carter and Sadie just rolled their eyes, saying in unison, "Oh, Felix."

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**Sorry this took so long, been a hectic week. Still haven't had much sleep. Tech week is going to be interesting...**

**Question of the day: What is your favorite Video Game?**

**Answer to last weeks question: AVbyte is my favorite channel, but my current favorite video is After Ever After - Disney Parody by PAINT.**

**Keep calm and be yourself!**

**-WolfyBD and Candycat**


	6. The Freaking Wizard of Oz

**Wrote this in the dressing room, a week ago, but haven't had time to post till now. #TheatreChoirFishieProbs By the way, the cast memebers in this are CandyCat and I :) They may or may not be our real names. I'll let you decide. Yes, we needed to put ourselves in. You'll see.**

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**So, just to make this clear, THIS IDEA MOSTLY BELONGS TO MY AWESOMESAUCETASTICAL FF FRIEND ChickWithThePurpleGuitar ( www. fanfiction u/2776466/ChickWithThePurpleGuitar). She did a story called _Oh, Nico _( www. fanfiction . s/8316661/1/Oh-Nico). ****My**** friend, who I shall call Candycat, came up with THIS idea whilst reading _Oh, Nico, _at rehearsal. Because we have a ton of downtime. :)**

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**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Except partially the ideas. I also don't own the Elder Swear. Or the costumes. :)**

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**Co-written with: Candycat, my friend in theatre who does not have an account on here. **

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_**Oh, Felix**_

So, for some strange reason, Felix decided to let Sadie drag him to a musical. Not just any musical: The freaking Wizard of Oz. And it DIDN'T. HAVE. PENGUINS! Felix needed to talk to the actors about this immediately.

After the show, Felix wove his way through the crowd until he saw two cast members off to the side talking, one in a lollipop guild costume with a bald cap, the other in a shortish renaissance barmaid type dress. Felix stomped over to them.

**Wow, that dress shows a lot of leg**...

_No Felix. We're here on business._

**We? Since when do I call myself we?**

_Since you started talking to yourself, idiot._

**Shut up!**

_Make me!_

**UGH! Great now I can't remember what I came over here for. **

_Serves you right. _

Felix crossed his arms, eyeing the two actors suspiciously. "So."

"So." The bald one said, in a suspiciously high voice.

"So, I'm Felix." Felix said in a totally suave voice. The blonde one raised an eyebrow.

"Delaney." She said.

"So, Delaney, what's your favorite-"

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Um..."

Delaney started giggling. "Aw, you're adorable! But no." She smiled, and turned back to her friend. "Oooh! For popshow, Bel Canto gets to be penguins!"

_Oh, yeah! _"Why weren't there any penguins in the show?" Felix interrupted.

"What?" Delaney asked.

"There. Were. No. Penguins!"

"So?"

"So? THE MOST MAJESTIC ANIMAL TO WALK THE EARTH, AND IT WASN'T IN THE SHOW!"

"Really? Penguins?" The bald one crossed his arms. His voice really was high... "Fish are so much better."

"WHAT?! PENGUINS EAT FISH FOR BREAKFAST! THERE IS NO WAY FISH ARE EVER BETTER THAN PENGUINS YOU SQUEAKY-VOICED, BALD, UNUSUALLY TALL FOR A MUNCHKIN DUDE!"

"...Dude?" The bald one asked, his voice dangerously soft. "You think, I'm a BOY?!"

**Uh-oh.**

"I'M A GIRL YOU *beep beep beep*ing*beep*LOREM IPSUM*beep beep beep*ADMIUMVENIUM*beep beep beep beep*TUROLAGUILO*beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep* HIPPOPOTAMUS*beep beep beep beep beep beep* REPUBLICAN *beep beep beep* DANIEL RADCLIFF *beep beep beep beep* WITH A BUCKET OF *beep beep beep beep* IN A CASTLE FAR AWAY WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU *beep beep beep beep beep beep* SOUP *beep beep beep* WITH A BUCKET OF *beep beep* MICKEY MOUSE *beep beep* WITH A STICK OF DYNAMITE *beeeeeepppp* MAGICAL *beep beep beep beep* ALAKAZAM!" She screamed.

Oh. That explained a lot. "Oh..." Felix squeaked. "Well...are you a pretty girl?" He asked hopefully. The girl made an 0.o face.

"What?"

"Well, your friend is pretty, so I assume-"

"Aaaw, you think I'm pretty?" The blonde one cooed, digging the floor with her toe, which moved her skirt a little higher. "You're so sweet!"

"Um..." Felix blushed. "Yeah..." **Wow, she has nice legs**_...__woah, where did THAT come from?_ He was Sadie's. Even if she didn't know it.

"Aaaaaw! Maddie," She turned to one one in a bald cap. "Apologize to the sweet little boy."

Maddie rolled her eyes a sighed exaggeratedly. "I'm sorry..." _That you care so much about penguins._

Felix humphed. "Apology accepted, I suppose."

"FELIX! BOAT'S HERE!" Sadie yelled across the crowd. Felix sighed.

"Bye." As soon as he was out of sight, the girls burst into laughter.

"Oh, Felix!"

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**Sorry this took so long, been a hectic week. Still haven't had much sleep. Both weekends are now over though :'(**

**Question of the day: What's your catchphrase?**

**Answer to last weeks question: Little Big Planet 2 or Just Dance (any of them).**

**Keep calm and be yourself!**

**-WolfyBD and Candycat**


	7. Ice Sculpture

**Sorry, Busy summer. Was gone for two weeks, then I've had stuff going on, like, everyday.**

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**So, just to make this clear, THIS IDEA MOSTLY BELONGS TO MY AWESOMESAUCETASTICAL FF FRIEND ChickWithThePurpleGuitar ( www. fanfiction u/2776466/ChickWithThePurpleGuitar). She did a story called _Oh, Nico _( www. fanfiction . s/8316661/1/Oh-Nico). ****My**** friend, who I shall call Candycat, came up with THIS idea whilst reading _Oh, Nico, _at rehearsal. Because we have a ton of downtime. :)**

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**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. ****This was all CandyCat, I just did the editing.**

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**Co-written with: Candycat, my friend in theatre who does not have an account on here. **

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_**Oh, Felix**_

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It was Sadie's birthday and Felix wanted to give her something special.

After thinking for ages (_read as: 15 minutes_) he got the perfect idea. He would make her an ice sculpture of them holding hands. It was brilliant!

First he filled a large bucket with water and froze it. Then he started banging on the bucket trying to get the ice to slide out. "COME ON!"

About an hour later, it slid onto the table and Felix grabbed the best knife he could find, willing it to carve his brilliant idea.

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When Sadie came home from the best birthday day out ever, she found Felix waiting for her with a huge grin on his face and a knife in his hand. "I've been waiting for you". He said.

_He's finally lost it...SOMEONE HELP ME!_ She thought.Felix grabbed Sadie's hand and dragged her to the kitchen. But when he arrived, all that was left of the ice sculpture was a big puddle on the floor.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! My ice sculpture!" Felix started bawling his eyes out.

Sadie walked out of the room sighing to herself " Oh, Felix."

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**Sorry this took so long, like I said, busy.**

**Question of the day: Ever played Portal/Portal 2?**

**Answer to last weeks question: That's gorgeous.**

**Keep calm and be yourself!**

**-WolfyBD and Candycat**


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